Who is at fault?

Is it all my fault? Is it that I did not present myself and my situation correctly? Is it that I did not say what needed to be said, I was passive where action was called for? Or they – they did not ask the right questions, they were incompetent, they were driven by the demands of their egos, they had their own agendas, they did not react appropriately to how I was presenting?

I now think – both. It is not all my fault. I told Dr Brafman that my family life was at peril, and he did nothing to help me steer clear of trouble, did nothing to help me appreciate my family and avoid losing it. I presented to Dr Bienenstock in full blown mania, and he did not call for a family meeting, did not adjust my medication. I told Dr Richmond that I needed a practitioner who would be on board with the whole family, understanding the plight of Fyodor, and he later tried to squeeze Fyodor out of therapy sessions, and harbored aggression towards Fyodor. I did nothing to provoke Helene Brun’s statement that going to a hospital is akin to going to a hotel – statement that almost cost me my life. I did not cause Dr Wexler’s going off the structured path in my 2-hour assessment. It’s not all my fault.

The question looms large: am I at fault for going to these doctors and staying with them?

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